they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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