put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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