Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
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In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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