god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
