Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
