***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize