I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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