I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
