I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My cat gives me a boner
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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