i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
