i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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