I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
