...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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