Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
