The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
