dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
