Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
