ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
