I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We're too hungover to prance.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
