8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
