i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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