if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
