Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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