Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
