we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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