so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
