My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
And then he peed in my hair
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