I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
