Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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