eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
