My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
