You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
