we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
