all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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