I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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