i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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