Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
