I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
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Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
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I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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