i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
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Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
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Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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