So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
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So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
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He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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