The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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