Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
