I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
