I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my being single is dangerous.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
