Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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