i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
