Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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