No subtext here. People are naked.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
