I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
