why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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