...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
