Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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