After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
