Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
