So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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