Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
it's like iHOP with fire
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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