dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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