i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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