Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
be right there i have to get my cape
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
