is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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