I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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