"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
