Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
