if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
