Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
