You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
