What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
