Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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