Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
