I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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