i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
