...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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