Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
