on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
